Summer came rushing in hard in May – Amazing! I live for these 4 months every year. Being Vata* by nature there’s nothing like the summer heat and sunshine. 4 months to get out and do all the soul feeding, adventure seeking, live wide open things I crave the other 8 months.
The 2nd last Saturday in July my summer came to a grinding halt on a beautiful hiking path I’d been dying to explore. On unsteady terrain I took my attention off my feet and put it onto an adorable Bernese Mountain Dog sauntering my way. I took my attention off long enough to slip off a large knotty tree root & fracture my ankle. With that split second went all my summer plans: weeks crammed full of yoga classes, new trails to explore, day trips climbing through mines and waterfall with the kids… replacing it with days of couch time indoors, with ice and book after book.
In the grand scheme of things a fractured ankle is hardly earth shattering, I know. I’m one of those people who rarely sits still, doesn’t relax, walks fast, is always on the go and can’t wait to get going in the morning, bursting with energy. This is like…slow death . This is the hardest yoga.
All the non-yogi’s reading this just let out a collective “huh?”. Yoga is not just a bunch of poses (asana) for a good workout, being flexible & comfy outfits. Among 1000 other things, it’s about grounding yourself, quietly learning who you are, where you are & sitting with that version of yourself. Becoming “okay” with the person that you find there & what’s happening around you. When I can move and go and feel alive, then choose when to slow down and connect with myself to sit alone with my thought’s, that’s usually a very doable thing. But this… I’m overwhelmed and shocked at how difficult a time I’m having when the choice is removed. There’s anger & frustration that I can’t do what I want, go where I want, move how I want; there’s shame and constant apologies to my partner that my moment of distraction in a second of pure joy “wrecked” the rest of the summer; there’s fear and anxiety that my ankle won’t heal well (because I’m stubborn), that I’m missing out on so much and that this pause will set me back physically; and sadness with myself that with all I have learned & practiced that I’m not doing better with this.
So today I start over. Summer is not wrecked, it’s different. I will start working to let go of the expectations and the list of plans and start living in the present moment again. For the next month I will be content to downshift & change the road I’m always barreling down. I’ll change my practice from mostly asana to mostly not asana (meditation & self study). This will continue to be the hardest yoga for me, but that’s ok. We all have our challenges.
Why am I telling you this? You have to tell one person so you have a reason to hold yourself accountable – you’re it. Thanks for that. ♥
*Vata is one of the 3 Ayurveda Doshas (Vata, Kapha, Pitta). Ayurveda is ancient system of health and wellness from India. Each person has an Ayurvedic constitution that is specific to him or her.